I know my title above sounds like a big downer. But really, this discussion I had with Jonah, my 3 year old was not. It was slightly surreal, sure. It was a little sad. And it was like talking with a relentless force. But it wasn’t a downer.
We were at the Volunteer Park playground in Seattle’s Capitol Hill. Jonah likes to play in the brush near the fence on the south side of the park boundary. On the other side of the fence is an early Seattle cemetery (not actively used today, I believe). In doing some online research just now, I discovered its formal name is Grand Army of the Republic Cemetery. For a really cool virtual tour of the cemetery (which is where the image was retrieved from), visit VRSeattle.com.
Jonah walked up to the fence, pointed at the cemetary headstones and said: “What dose rocks, Daddy?” I told him it was a cemetery and you know what his next question was…to which I replied: “It’s a place where they put the bodies of people who’ve died.” “Why dey die, Daddy?” “Well, mostly people get very old and sometimes their bodies don’t work so well when they get very old. That’s how people die.” “You die, Daddy?” “Yes, Jonah. I’m going to die (and seeing the next thought forming in his brain, I tried to head off the next line of questioning–unsuccessfully of course). But it won’t happen for many, many years. And by then you’re going to be a grown man, maybe with a wife and family of your own. So you don’t need to worry about it.” “Why you die, Daddy?” “Well, I’ll probably get very old someday.”
This of course went on interminably. He seemed to repeat each question he asked three times at least and was never fully satisfied with any answer I gave. I was alternately horrified and fascinated by his obssesive interest in the subject. I was also amazed that he was interested at so young an age. I remember I had a morbid fascination with the subject when I was young, but I’m pretty sure I was older than three.
Ever since this conversation, he repeats these same questions every day, usually more than once a day. That’s kids! For a more in depth psychological discussion of this subject, go to hospicenet.org’s Talking To Children About Death.
Please do not find this question offensive, for that is not why it’s asked. I regularly visit the cemetary where my parents are buried and have noticed something that is baffling me. Why do jewish people put small rocks on their headstones? I see some with MANY and wonder what the significance is each time I see them. My curiousity has found me searching unsuccessfully on the net. Thank you for taking the time to resepond.
Respectfully yours,
Brenda
Brenda: I don’t at all take offense at yr question. Just the opposite. I’m grateful to you for asking it.
It’s true that Jews place small rocks on headstones rather than flowers. I don’t really know the precise answer myself. I just did a Google search on yr. behalf & found this plausible set of possible explanations written by Rabbi Barry Dov Lerner: