Rep. Bob Ney, the big cheese (or should I say “La grande fromage?”) of the House Administration Cmttee., which manages the Congressional cafeteria has outlawed all French terms used to describe food items sold in the cafeteria (http://www.nytimes.com/2003/03/12/national/12FRIE.html). So French toast and fries have become Freedom toast and fries…yes, no kidding. Maybe in honor of Tony Blair, we can call them Tony toast?
It’s a symbolic gesture. Not to slap the French around, but people are not hot on the French government right now. This is just to send a message to the troops to say that here in the Capitol, we are not happy, Ney said.
Ney is reported to have suggested to Don Rumsfeld that after our boys tidy up Iraq that they also go on to Paris and mop up that dirty cesspool called the Elysee Palace (er, Freedom Palace). Rumsfeld is reported to have replied: “Great idea!”
Pres. Bush is considering the idea of “cleansing” American English of dirty French words. Instead of the Republic of France, he’s considering the “Scumbag Republic.” When Ari Fleischer politely suggested that might be going too far; Bush grumbled: “well, then let’s call ’em the Sissy Republic.”
Jacques Chirac, when told of the U.S. government’s war on the French, suggested that the French clean up their language too: L’etats unis would become the “Warmonger Etats Unis.” McDonald’s would henceforth be referred to in French as “the greasy Golden Arches.”
Ari Fleishcher was fuming when he heard of the Sissies’ latest insult. He was heard mumbling to no one in particular: “Take away the “Ch” in Chirac and what do you have?” When a reporter overheard his comment and asked him for clarification, Fleishcer replied: “What do you think it means? Do I have to spell it out for you! I-R-A-C, IRAC get it?” When told that the nation’s name was spelled IRAQ, Fleishcher said: Iraq, Irac, who cares. By next week, their name will be anything we says it is!”
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