We all need a good laugh right about now, don’t we? Well then, do yourself the favor of reading some of the best political satire in American journalism. Here’s Gail Collins’ take on George Bush’s series of fond farewell performances and his farewell address to the American people tonight (who cares?). Enjoy this:
“Sometimes you misunderestimated me,” Bush told the Washington press corps [at his final press conference]. This is not the first time our president has worried about misunderestimation, so it’s fair to regard this not as a slip of the tongue, but as something the president of the United States thinks is a word. The rhetoric is the one part of the administration we’re surely going to miss. We are about to enter a world in which our commander in chief speaks in full sentences, and I do not know what we’re going to do to divert ourselves on slow days.
History does suggest that Bush performs best in venues like this one, in which he has a long lead time and virtually no actual role in preparing the words he is about to say. But still, what could he possibly tell the country that would change anybody’s opinion about the last eight years?
“My fellow Americans, before I leave you next week I want you to know that …
A) “Although things have gone very wrong, I take comfort in the realization that Dick Cheney was actually in control from the get-go. Honest, I never even knew half the people in the cabinet.”
B) “Laura and I have come to realize that all things considered, retirement to a mansion in Texas is just totally inappropriate. And so we take our leave to begin a new life as missionaries at a small rescue station in the Gobi desert …”
C) “Surprise! This has all actually been a bad dream. It’s really still November of 2000 and tomorrow Al Gore is going to be elected president.”
Otherwise, the best possible approach for a farewell address might be for Bush to follow his father’s lead and just not give one.