Rumsfeld’s Election Plan: Some of the Iraqis May Vote Some of the Time

Don Rumsfeld: “Whadya want from my life?? Peace and love in Iraq? Go suck an egg, buddy! (credit: Xinhua/Reuters)

Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld also spoke openly for the first time on Thursday about the possibility that the elections might be held only in parts of Iraq.

“Let’s say you tried to have an election, and you could have it in three-quarters or four-fifths of the country, but some places you couldn’t because the violence was too great,” Mr. Rumsfeld said at a hearing on Capitol Hill. “Well, that’s so be it. Nothing’s perfect in life.”

–from Bush and Allawi Say Iraqi Voting Won’t Be Put Off

Special to the New York Times
January 1, 2005

Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld announced today that due to certain unforeseen “security considerations” there would what he termed “rolling elections” in Iraq. “While some of the people will be voting some of the time, none of the voters would be killed all of the time, and all of the voters would get “a shot” at voting maybe one time, if they’re lucky.” When asked to explain his rather obscure comment, he replied: “Beats me. You figure it out. Nothing’s perfect in life, buddy.”

As best we poor dullards in the press corps can tell from the wee bits of information parcelled out by Messers. Wolfowitz, Feith, et al. it appears that the DOD plans to allow 3/4 of all polling places starting with the letter “Q” open for 15 minute intervals during election day. But due to security concerns, voters may only find out when the polling places will be open up to a minute before they do open. This is to prevent a spike in attacks by “dead-enders and other Iraqi scum against the democracy-yearning common folk of that great country.” Rumsfeld added that 4/5 of all voters whose names ended in “Z” would be entitled to an extra shot at voting if they missed the polling place voting opportunities offered by the first plan outlined above.

“All in all,” Rumself said “this election will represent a new wave of democratic spirit in the Middle East. This is why we bombed the hell out of these suckers a coupla years ago, just so we could get to this place and boy am I lovin’ it!”