Mad Dick (credit: AP/ Eric Gay)
Dick the Destroyer Dog
President Bush announced today that he was giving all his pets to the Washington ASPCA and replacing them with a new attack dog named Dick. When asked why he was exiling pets who’d given him long and trusting service, Bush replied: “those old hounds just wouldn’t do a thing. I’d throw a piece of Democratic meat out there on the South Lawn and they’d just lie there. I figured I needed me a new dog, one with some spunk in’m. Oh & it helps that my new dog, Dick just hates Democrats.”
In today’s New York Times, Adam Nagourney and Jody Wilgoren write in Kerry Questions Bush Attendance in Guard in 70’s that Dick Cheney, in his speech yesterday at Westminster College “disparaged Mr. Kerry as an opportunist unfit to lead the nation in wartime.” This is rich. Kerry is an opportunist, but Cheney is not??! Let’s see, who parlayed a few decades of public service into a tremendously lucrative job running that corporate war profiteer, Halliburton? Who arranged for all his buddies in the energy industry to rewrite federal energy policy which, in turn allowed them and their companies to line their pockets with added lucre? Opportunist? Cheney? Nah couldn’t be.
In his speech, Cheney also noted: “”The contrast between the candidates this November will be sharper than it has been in many years.” What he really meant to say was: “We’re gonna spend a ton of money to make this guy look bad, real bad. It’ll be the dirtiest, meanest election you’ve ever seen and we will crush him.” Or, in a language Dick understands far better: “Grrrrhhh!!! Arrrrrggghhh!! Ruff, ruff!!”