First We Take Manhattan: We Visit New York City and Have a Baby!

Jonah at Battery Park playground

Another big minus for kids and parents is that the hotel does not have its own in-house restaurant (but it does have good room service). While there are several independent chain restaurants in the building, none are very good. The selection is also meager across the street at the World Financial Center. You can either eat fast food or tremendously expensive luxury food (Hudson River Club). In order to find the type of restaurants that we liked you had to walk 5-6 blocks to Tribeca. Doesn’t sound like a long walk, but when you’re with a toddler whom you’ll invariably have to carry at least part of the way; and when you must cross West Street (the West Side Highway downtown extension) as part of the bargain–then every trip can be long and exhausting.

And finally the worst thing about the Embassy Suites was the hotel maid who stole my wedding ring from the bedside table. At the Marriott and other hotels, I’ve sometimes accidentally left my wedding ring in the hotel room and I’ve never had a problem. Apparerently, the Embassy Suites has a serious security deficiency and does not hire reliable staff. While we might stay at this hotel again (simply because we don’t know of other good quality suite hotels like it there), if you do you should be aware of the light-fingered housecleaning staff.

We enjoyed two excellent meals: one was at Vine Restaurant in the Financial District and the other at the Duane Park Cafe in lower Tribeca. I highly recommend both places but Duane Park is especially lovely with a quiet, elegant, but informal atmosphere and wonderfully inventive, fresh food.

We found New York to be a tough town for kids. Yes, there are nice attractions for children. But getting to and from them by subway or walking can be tremendously exhausting. In fact, whenever I returned from a day in town with Jonah I felt beat. Unlike Seattle, where you can drive with your child to a park, beach or museum and save your exertion for your destination–in New York you have to exhaust yourself getting to and from your destination as well.

Each day, with Janis’ helpful suggestion I took Jonah to a different interesting child-friendly venue. We went to Central Park Zoo (a hit though it is a small zoo), the circus (another hit though the music is deafening), the Children’s Museum of Manhattan (a big yawn–Seattle’s Children’s Museum is far superior), the Liberty (N.J.) Science Center (a huge hit), the Times Square Toys ‘R Us (a great Ferris wheel and Thomas train track), Central Park carousel and Museum of Natural History (possibly the greatest museum of its kind in the world).

New York is undoubtedly a big, sprawling, brawling place, full of dirt, noise and excitement. While some New Yorkers were very nice and kind to Jonah (like on the subway), there were so many surly, taciturn and just plain odd interactions with New Yorkers that they well-earned their reputation for disdain or indifference toward their fellow human beings.

New York seems clueless when it comes to accomodating the needs of children. Why do New York City restaurants not realize that they need booster seats for children? We ate out ten times during our stay and only two restaurants had booster seats. In Seattle, EVERY restaurant we’ve ever brought Jonah to has had a booster seat. Why do New York City waiters think that a high chair will work for every child regardless of size or age? Which brings me to another critique of New York City life: it’s not for kids. New York is designed for and by adults. Those adults don’t spend much time thinking about how to make the place suitable for children. Children seem pretty much an afterthought. They just have to muddle their way through city life.

I don’t feel the same about Seattle. This is a great town to raise children in. Restaurants, businesses and city government agencies all go a long way to try to satisfy the needs of parents and children.

Jonah and I felt hyperstimulated by 11 days in the Big Apple. We were happy to finally return to the relative calm and tranquility of Seattle.

The main reason for our visit was to perform an egg donor procedure at NYU Medical Center so that Janis and I could have our second baby. Jonah was conceived in the same way three years ago by Dr. Jamie Grifo and the NYU Fertility Clinic. See this post about Jamie’s extraordinary work, The Infertility Scourge and the Nuclear Transfer Dream. It took much soul searching, but we decided several months ago to try to have a second and the embryo was implanted on April 1st.

Going through the endless injections, early morning sperm retrievals, pregnancy tests, etc. makes one realize how wonderful and miraculous natural conception is. But it is still worth all the trouble for the outcome: a wonderful child of one’s own.

Jonah and I waited in the Clinic reception area while the fertility staff performed the embryo implantation procedure. Here’s yet another idiotic anti-child directive: the Clinic will not allow children to accompany their mother into the room where implantation occurs. Here you have a child who’s expelled from the company of his mother when he most needs to be near her to be reassured by her–and he can’t see her. The supposed reason: it’s for their own good. The Clinic fears that children might touch a needle or some other piece of equipment that might harm them. Sorry, but I just don’t buy it. If you’re in the business of helping people have children and you can’t accomodate properly the needs of those children (many of which were created in this very facility) then you’re doing a poor job both for the parents who are your patients and for their children.

Minding Jonah while waiting was a surreal and intense experience. I told Jonah that the doctor was putting an egg inside mommy’s tummy so we might have a second child like him. I don’t know how much of this he grasped though he did repeat the words to me. But I think in some innate way he comprehended and was either terrified or tremendously agitated. His play during the wait was incredibly focussed and intense. He repetitively and continuously approached the clinic door behind which Janis had disappeared saying: “Want to go in dere” or “Mommy in dere.” It was all I could do to prevent him from barging right in. In 75 minutes, he must’ve repeated these phrases 75 or 100 times! By the end I was emotionally drained. Since our return from New York, Jonah seems to have forgotten all his toilet training and refused this past weekend to take any naps (a horrible experience for his parents). So we know he’s absorbing some of this information. But we don’t know why (though you hear about this type of regressive behavior in this situation all the time) it’s having such a strong negative impact on him.

As I wrote the above paragraph, I began to understand why Jonah is so terrified of the future: we haven’t done enough to reassure him and make him understand how special he is to us and tell him that we’ll always love him dearly even when the new baby comes. Jonah is amazingly receptive and responsive to such talks. And I’m sure when we talk to him tonight, this will make him feel more secure about what lies in store.

Though you may’ve already read this between the lines above, Janis had a pregnancy test yesterday and she is indeed pregnant! I’m overjoyed. She’s apprehensive (especially of the possibility of twins which is about 30% when two embryos are implanted). I’m hoping that she’ll gradually grow into the news and feel as joyful as I.