I live for nights like tonight. Newt Gingrich earlier today in an appearance in Florida (home of the space industry) promised that if elected president he’d establish a lunar colony by 2020. But not just any colony, it will, by God, be AMERICAN. Did you hear that? And once it gets 13,000 residents (“13,” as in colonies, get it?), it would be allowed to apply for statehood. But Newt, I hear some of his Jewish fans say, don’t forget us. Maybe we can even have a Jewish settlement or even a Jewish state up there.
Finally a people without a moon for a moon without a people!
If you’re a fan of the settler movement, this has to send a frisson of delight through your system. Imagine: after Gingrich, Adelson, Moskowitz and all their pals get done settling Jewish colonists in the West Bank and expelling the indigenous inhabitants, they can move on to bigger and better things. Imagine Jewish settlements on the moon. I’m not sure whether they’ve explored the possibility of indigenous men on the moon who they’d of course have to expel in order to establish ethnically pure colonies of earthlings. We may also need to update the Tanach in order to expand God’s promise to Abraham of all the land from the Euphrates to the Moon. That would give this lunar settler movement a strong divine precedent.
I haven’t heard whether Newt and Callista will be among the first colonists but it sure would be swell if they would. Sheldon and Miriam Adelson may want first dibs on a lunar casino with their own luxury condo overlooking Tranquility Base.
The Israeli Lobby and the Pro-Apartheid Israelis should be the subject of ridicule
Wouldn’t be wonderful if Chris Matthews, Rachel, John Stewart just laughed these lying buffoons off the stage instead of pretending they are some chosen Royals whose word and intelligence and spin always has to be just swallowed and never challenged?
Now, if ALL the settlers and non-peace Israelis would just move to the moon * * *. We (k)new(t) Newt was a loonie. But he deserves company.
Actually, returning briefly to earthly matters, if the settler movement could have its way and expel all the non-Jews (“existing non-Jewish communities”, as the old phrase puts it), creating a sort of first-level of purity, would they be satisfied? Or would they have to achieve even greater purity by expelling the existing non-sufficiently-Jewish communities as well?
If so, wouldn’t it be a kick to see the old secular Jewish folks who, after all, started Israel on its glorious usurptious and expellatory path, expelled in their turn, a ladder (so to speak) to be used to climb the wall and then kicked down when one (here, the settlers) have reached the top of the wall.
But shooting the moon would be better for all concerned, The Palestinians are a down-to-earth folk, connected with real connections to the land.
“… would they be satisfied?”
By definition, nothing satisfies true greed nor nationalism nor religious zealotry and the settlers’ movement epitomises all three.
Talking about statehood. Why doesn’t Gingrich propose to move America’s closest ally to the moon?
Canada?
Why doesn’t Newt live on the moon himself? Should be some good looking, younger women up there. And sex is maybe easier or at least interesting at 1/6 normal gravity. Santorum can accompany him and bring the condoms…
Sounds like Species 2. Apparently enough of a classic to become public policy for NASA.
I haven’t been following the primary nonsense too closely, but I gather Newt shot himself in the foot in a recent debate and his chance to win Florida might be slipping away. Which would be a darn shame–he’s been a great source of entertainment.
Though on a more serious note, it’s really depressing the kinds of candidates we’ve got running. I never expect to like any successful Presidential candidate from either party, but on the Republican side most of them seem even crazier and/or more sociopathic than usual.
In 1997, the House Select Committee on Ethics obtained these fascinating and scary doodles that Newt penned during various periods of his ongoing mania. Some insight into his personality can easily be identifed by his remarkable claims of being the messiah of all civilization. Check it out yourselves
http://www.slate.com/slideshows/news_and_politics/gingrichs-doodles.html
I really like the idea of Jewish settlements and Adelson Casinos on the moon. They are strange bedfellows after all. We could rename the moon The RiffRaff Colony.
Finally a people without a moon for a moon without a people!
I’m glad that you went with that punchline. It’s priceless.
Rather liked it myself. Thanks.
I posted it on FB (with credit to you of course) Love it.
Wait a second! I think I’m one of the indigenous Moon People. I have a deed (found it in the basement, left from the previous owner), signed by the Lunar Embassy in the State of Israel, which makes me a proud owner of a plot on the lighted side of the Moon.
On behalf of all the Lunar People, I welcome the Earth lunatics to go to our ancestral homeland and stay there. We will provide you all the moral support you need.
I’ll stay on Earth in the meantime, ‘cus I prefer oxygen-rich atmosphere.