Mahzor

New York Public Library

Churches

Sarajevo Haggadah

Mah Nishtanah

Sarajevo haggadah

Antaea Darom

Israeli women's art

Action

Torah as music

Ben Heine

Action

ceramic bowl

Mohammad Said Kalash, "Offering Reconciliation" exhibit (photo: Ilan Amihai)

Action

Punch and Judy/Pinchas and Jamila

Avi Katz

Action

David Grossman

Ben Heine

Action

Eldrige Street shul

Lower East Side

Action

Dove

Ben Heine

Action

Two birds

Hoda Jamal

Action

Israeli and Palestinian boys

from documentary, Promises

Action

Cat in the Hat

Yiddish version

Action

Daylight through the Wall

Banksy: graffiti art on Separation Wall

Action

Maurice Sendak's Brundibar set

New Victory Theater (photo: Nan Melville/NYT)

Action

Daniel Barenboim, West-Eastern Divan Orchestra

Palestinian-Israeli musical ensemble (photo: Kerstin Joensson/AP)

Action

Great Day on Eldrige Street

N.Y.'s klezmer greats celebrate shul rededication (photo: Leo Sorel)

Action

Joint Appeal for Peace

(Avi Katz)

Joint Appeal for Peace

Ketubah, Ancona, Italy (1772)

(Jewish Theological Seminary library)

Ancona ketubah

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Popular Culture Exposes Racism That Enables Israeli War Fever

Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

When a nation goes to war, there are all sorts of motivations, policy deliberations, and cultural attitudes that contribute to such a decision.  Popular culture offers a window into a nation’s consciousness.  It shows how a country can be conditioned to anticipate, accept and even endorse a war.  An Israeli reader sent a link to this TV commercial for the Israeli cable provider, HOT.  The general pitch is that if you buy a particular set of HOT services you win a free tablet PC.  The setting is a beat-up bus in which a group of Israeli slackers, possibly freelance agents, sit around playing guitar and doing nothing in particular.  This is a reference to a popular Israeli TV show, Asfour, portraying a group of Israeli low-lifes who live in an abandoned bus.

Thanks to Dena Shunra for offering a translation of the dialogue.  There are a few snippets that are in Arabic or just hard to figure out.  If any Israeli readers can complete the picture, let me know:

[Khaki camouflage packet/jacket falls from above]

What, are we getting ready for Rajuan?

No, it’s Shin, Isfahan.

[Caption title:] Isfahan, Iran. Near the nuclear reactor.

[Same group approaches dressed as Iranian women]

I bet they don’t even get Asfour [Israeli TV show] in this hole.

It’s G_d’s own fright!

Yeah, where will we find a kosher kitchen?

Maybe we’ll run into the family of [prominent Israeli-Iranian singer] Rita.

[One dabs sunscreen on face as others look on in shock.]

What do you want? Do you have any idea how much radiation there is around here?

[One member of the group nods in direction of man sitting at a table.  They approach him.]

Slacker: Is that you from the Mossad?

Mossadnik: Shhhhh.

Slacker: Whaddaya mean shhhh?  There’s no shame in it.  We were also in an institution [mossad can mean the intelligence agency or a mental institution] for a while.

Tell me, ShuShu [Mossadnik] – did you bring us all the way here?

Mossadnik: I’ve been going through two months of stake-outs. It’s deathly boring [literally: boring like missiles] I watch a few episodes on my tablet; reactor or no reactor, I don’t miss an episode of Asfour.

Slacker: Whoa, cool, a tablet. You’re pampered there in the Mossad.

Mossadnik: [Sarcastically] Yeah, right. It’s from HOT. My wife did a triple deal with HOT and all the programs for free.

Slacker: Are you kidding us?

Mossadnik: We even got the HOT VOD app and all the programs – as a gift.

Slacker: Hey, what’s that application? [Reaches for the tablet and clicks app icon]

Whoa-whoa-whoa

[Boom--explosion]

Slacker: What do you want? Just another mysterious explosion in Iran.

[Next scene: the crew sits laughing and joking with Mossadnik enjoying the tablet.  One smashes a bug and says:]

Yuck, a Khomeini [Hebrew colloquialism for "scarab"--Iranians get up to see what he's talking about.  Israelis react fearfully to exposure.]

There’s always a fine line between political parody and racism.  It’s often hard to say where one bleeds into another.  But the humor of this commercial exposes the moral anaesthesia Israelis undergo, which allows them to be isolated from the impact of the acts of their military and intelligence forces in the region.  Instead of a conscious act of sabotage, a bumbling Israeli intelligence agent clicks a button on a tablet application and–Oops!–there goes another Iranian nuclear facility.  More Keystone Cops than Mossad cloak and dagger.

At the conclusion, another Israeli swats and kills an insect pest called a Khomeini.  The irony of the term and racial hostility inherent in it is self-evident.  Yet another marker for the anti-Muslim hate afflicting contemporary Israel.  Yes, a nation has to laugh at itself especially in times of tension.  But laughter of the sort in this commercial doesn’t encourage thought or introspection.  It doesn’t probe reality.  It allows Israelis to sink back in their economic largess, to luxuriate in the consumer options (like HOT cable service) available to them, while the harmless bumblers of the Mossad go around blowing up Iranian nuclear plants almost by accident.

It all ends with a nudge-nudge, wink-wink that would be fitting for a Monty Python routine, except the Pythons would’ve been savaging cultural norms instead of laughing about them.  Israelis, unfortunately, don’t have that distance from the crimes done in their name.

Iran Does It Again, Saudi Crown Prince Murdered in NYC Hospital Bed

Saturday, October 22nd, 2011
crown prince abdul azis

Saudi Arabia's Crown Prince Abdul Aziz offed by Iranian agents

Don’t you believe a word of what you’re hearing from the U.S. media about the Saudi Crown Prince dying today in a New York hospital.  Nor a word about his long term illness which allegedly killed him.  Those of us who’ve lapped up the convincing conspiracy theories spun by the Justice Department about Iranian terror plots against Saudi targets in the U.S. know what really happened today in New York.

Those wily Al Quds agents fed Arbabsiar to the FBI dogs last week in order to put them off the scent of their real prey, Crown Prince Abdul Aziz.  It was a masterful bit of sleight of hand too, convincing the feds that a drug-dealing, low-life scum plotted with Mexican drug assassins to bomb the Saudi ambassador while he ate felafel in a DC restaurant.  While the G-men were looking for Gholam Shakuri and on the trail of the $100K in bounty money, those clever IRG assassins slipped into the Crown Prince’s hotel room while his entourage wasn’t looking and pumped him with an overdose of his favorite whiskey and pigs in a blanket, mixed with a bit of Saudi crude to wash it all down.  The chatter  I hear is that he died with a smile on his face and the feds are none the wiser.

But if FBI director Mueller and his boys read this blog don’t be surprised if you hear a press conference tomorrow at which they’ll announce criminal charges against the Iranian assassins who offed the Saudi Crown Prince.

New Texas Prison Regimen: Let Them Eat…Each Other

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

The news in today’s NY Times is that Texas is leading the nation in yet another innovation involving prison care: they’re going to stop allowing prisoners to order a special last meal before they are executed.  Apparently, the citizens of the state are in high dudgeon because an inmate ordered cheeseburgers, fried steak, ice cream and not only didn’t share it with them, but didn’t eat a morsel of it.  Imagine, a guy like that thumbing his nose at the extraordinary generosity shown to him by the taxpayers!  In addition, the state has cancelled lunch on weekends saving $2.5-million from the strapped state budget.

I say these pikers show no vision or ambition.  Let’s go the whole hog so to speak.  I know a way to save millions more: don’t feed ‘em any meals.  Let ‘em fend for themselves.  Let ‘em raise their own animals, butcher, cook, and eat ‘em.  And if that doesn’t work?  Marie Antoinette said: let those ol’ Parisians eat cake.  I say: let ‘em eat each other.  Just think, the fewer prisoners there are, the lower the costs to the costs to the state of caring for them.  Criminals are leeches on society anyway.  If we kill these blood suckers off early it will benefit everyone, especially their future victims.  As for the families of the prisoners eaten?  Maybe we can send ‘em a few chops and ribs as a consolation.

You say you don’t like cannibalism?  Well, how much better does Texas treat its poor and prisoners?  No, it doesn’t eat them…yet.  But considering the misery that they suffer how much better off are they living under the conditions Texas offers?  Better, sure.  But is life, even for prisoners, supposed to be just a tad better than the jungle?  In Texas, the answer is a definite Yes.

I especially admire the statement by the Democratic state senator who took away those last meals:

“If they don’t like the menu,” he said, “don’t come there in the first place.”

Real cute slogan, good sound bite.  May this man, on his death bed, when he asks for his last meal, be told the same thing.  What goes around, comes around.

Israel and the March to War

Friday, October 14th, 2011
osirak attack

Decal affixed to F-16 that attacked Osirak reactor (nuclear reactor image on left)

Two new pieces from the Israeli media, whose more perceptive journalists are monitoring what I’m beginning to think is a march to war on the part of Bibi Netanyahu and Ehud Barak. Amir Oren writes in Haaretz (one explanation is in order to give context to one phrase below–the medical residents are on strike in Israel for higher wages):

The modus operandi of Netanyahu and Barak shows a willingness to absorb a small loss if they think it will help them attain a great success. The behavior of prime ministers and defense ministers in previous affairs provides telling indications that add up to a clear direction: toward some sort of military adventure.

…Barak and Netanyahu regretted Gabi Ashkenazi’s fourth year as Israel Defense Forces chief of staff, Yuval Diskin’s sixth year as head of the Shin Bet security service, and Meir Dagan’s eighth year as head of the Mossad…Ashkenazi and Dagan made it hard for Netanyahu and Barak to take action against Iran.

…As for the green light from Washington, Netanyahu and Barak’s gamble is especially big. Maybe they think that Barack Obama will show restraint… If the two Israeli ministers are wrong, this is a particularly dangerous illusion. After the statement by U.S. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta on board his flight to Tel Aviv and again at IDF headquarters – that “coordination” is required against Iran – should Israel take action, it would give an impression that there is such coordination.

…To put it in the terms of which Netanyahu is so fond, he behaved like Chamberlain this week, in trying to depict capitulation as an accomplishment. The day is not far off, Netanyahu believes, when Churchill will emerge from him. Until that happens, he would do well to give in once more, this time to the medical residents. They are needed in the hospitals, in preparation for the “escalation” for which the Shalit deal was prelude.

This follows on themes developed by Alex Fishman in a Yediot story I translated here a few days ago, in which he reported that Bibi was prepared to make concessions on a lesser matter in order to lay the groundwork for a much bigger objective: Iran.

Next up, Ben Caspit, who I’ve also reported on here previously regarding his fears of an Iran attack. Today’s column, while presented as a quasi fairy tale (or is it horror story?), nevertheless warns us of very real dangers of war fast approaching:

There was a strange phenomenon happening over the past few weeks. More and more people, mostly former senior officials and even a few currently serving in security and intelligence services, who are making their way carefully and stealthfully to the light. That is to us, the media.

They meet with us in far-flung places. They whisper. They are afraid. They believe the great anticipated event in the East is approaching. They read and heed the words of Meir Dagan. They hear more words of others which don’t reach the ears of the public (because of the censor repeating the mistakes of 1973 [several major stories predicting the Yom Kippur War were censored in the days leading up to it]).

They cry out for help. They tell of one Benny Gantz, Israel’s chief of staff, alone in the Kirya [Israel's Pentagon], who also needs help.  During the previous term, there were those three giants Ashkenazi, Diskin and Dagan who stopped an earier disaster with their own bodies (in their words).  But the previous term is over.  Now we await the next term.  Ashkenazi, Diskin and Dagan are no more.  Their successors (Gantz, Cohen and Pardo) think as they did.  But they haven’t developed their own authority…They need help.  They’re not persuaded that the pair of Netanyahu-Barak, or more precisely Barak-Netanyahu can realize its dangerous fantasies.  Neither are they persuaded they can’t.  They’re aware how big the bet is, how great the danger.  And some of them believe this isn’t just their imaginations, that Bibi doesn’t fully understand, and that Barak is satisfied playing on his fiddle on high as the city burns below.

I don’t have much to say to these people.

The American defense secretary, Leon Panetta, said it out loud [calling for Israeli restraint], and the people heard during his last visit two weeks ago.  That’s why he came.  Was the message heard in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv?  Not everyone is so sure.  According to the fatalist version, signing the Shalit deal was meant to “clear the table,” because afterward there would be nothing and no one with whom to sign because everything will be burning.  Let’s hope we’re talking about a child’s tale.

There are only two possibilities here: either the increasing mass of serious journalists writing in such a breathless gasps about looming war are right.  Or Bibi and Barak are attempting to psyche out the Iranians so that they’ll do the west’s bidding and compromise about their nuclear program.  Even if number 2 were true, any fool can see it’s not working and the Iranians are not folding.  That leaves us only with number 1.

In circumstances like this you always examine the motives and political leanings of your source.  And I’ve considered that in the case of Alex Fishman, Ben Caspit and Amir Oren.  If they were all hawks clamoring for war; or alternatively if they were all left-wing alarmists warning their readers because they were anti-war, of course I would discount them.  As it is the each represent different political allegiances with Oren on the (center) left, Fishman in the middle and Caspit on the right.  Caspit certainly is known for being right wing and is a close ally of Meir Dagan.  But even if you discount his views (which I don’t in this case), that still leaves you with two other journalists who don’t appear to have any axe to grind.

Some of you may wonder: how could Israel be preparing for the massive effort it would take to attack Iran and we wouldn’t know about it?  I remind you that Israeli censorship would prevent any specific information from being published that would offer any direct confirmation of such preparations.  And reporters know the system well enough that they pre-censor their material, or shape it so that they allude rather than state explicitly information they know won’t pass the censor.  That is why reports like the ones above give me such concern.  The only thing they don’t offer is a smoking gun…or F-16, fueling up for its rendezvous with destiny at Qom or Natanz.

I just consulted a trusted Israeli source, asking over the history of Israel’s wars, what was the media climate that preceded them.  I asked whether there were these mounting, thinly veiled warnings from the media after which war came; or whether wars came on more suddenly, without such media chatter.  S/He told me that Israel’s wars of choice (Cast Lead, Lebanon 1982, etc.) were much more like the current situation.  All of which makes me very, very scared.

I don’t know if Fishman, Oren, Caspit, Dagan and others are right about the oncoming war.  But their views are too sobering NOT to take seriously.  I would rather be wrong and have spoken out, than be right and not have said anything for fear of being wrong.

Grifting the Grifters

Friday, September 30th, 2011

It isn’t often that the online grifters make fools out of themselves in their own words, but it’s just happened to me.  I’ll let whoever this is hang themselves in their own words:

…According to the doctor, my medical report quotes a very short life sperm due to my health status presently. Maybe I may still have another 1-3 months to live, that I do not know but God can say. That is just my faith as a deteriorating cancer patient. But I pray to God to heal me so that I will be alive and see this work done as my late husband instructed me.

Knowing my health condition I decided to donate this fund Two Million American Dollars ($2M) which you will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein, I want an individual that will use this fund for the less privilege ones like; orphanages, widows, also help our old ones who is unable to cater for their needs.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you more details regarding this great mission.

Remain blessed.

Mme. Malika Madi.

I was tempted to write her back and offer to sell her a bridge or a lovely piece of Florida waterfront (i.e. swamp) property in exchange for her $2-million…

IDF: Palestinian Kindergarten ‘Terror Center’

Thursday, September 8th, 2011
abu tor school closed by idf

Budding Hamas terrorists learning terror at young age (Emil Salman)

A year ago or so the IDF shuttered a West Bank charity for orphaned children because it was supposedly funded by Hamas.  Today, the IDF has once again done itself proud by punishing children for the alleged sins of their elders:

Sixty-four kindergarten children in the Abu Tor neighborhood of Jerusalem are sitting at home though their classes were due to begin Sunday. The police commissioner sealed their building for security reasons.

The building had previously been rented by the Jerusalem municipality for the Ahmed Samech school, which was moved elsewhere, and the Najat kindergarten classes, which had operated elsewhere, were slated to open in the building instead.

But at the end of last week, the hinges on the building’s door were welded shut, and a closure order posted.

“After I became convinced that the building in Abu Tor was destined to be used for Hamas activities, I am ordering it shut until October 4, 2011,” read the order, signed by Insp. Gen. Yohanan Danino.

They’ve decided that an East Jerusalem kindergarten run by a Palestinian NGO, which is duly, legally registered with the Interior Ministry, is a terror front for Hamas.  Which leaves 65 children without a school.  That’s not unusual for East Jerusalem since the municipality provides almost no services for its Palestinians residents, which includes almost no public schools.  That’s why this news hits especially hard.

The Jerusalem Police have resorted to the usual suspects, “confidential sources,” to decide that the NGO running the school is a Hamas front:

The Jerusalem Police, citing classified intelligence, said that “the site was meant to serve as a place of terror activity. The Najat movement is headed by known Hamas operatives, and the police commissioner ordered the location closed.”

One wonders what the nature of the classified material was?  Perhaps a child’s drawing of an F-16 dropping a bomb on Gaza?  Or a child singing about his love for Palestine?  Or perhaps the poor children were caught being trained to produce suicide vests for their elders?

After all, the IDF is only acting on the divine teachings of Torat Hamelech, which tells us that it is permissible to kill Palestinian children because they will grow up to become terrorists who kill Jews.  In that spirit, closing down the kindergarten seems only fitting, as it will without doubt become a breeding ground for terror.

Pres. Perry’s First Two Executive Orders: Convert Jews and Hang Fed Governors

Tuesday, August 16th, 2011
rick perry

Don't get on Rick Perry's bad side if you want to leave Texas in one piece (Tom Pennington/Getty)

When I read about Rick Perry’s prayer service in which he invited a faux–or “messianic”–rabbi to urge the conversion of Jews to Christianity, I knew I was gonna have to take this jackass on someday (and maybe more than once, depending on how far he goes in the primaries).  But today is his lucky day.  He really hit the jackpot when he accused Federal Reserve chair Ben Bernanke of “treason” and threatened him with lynching if he ever stepped foot in Texas:

Gov. Rick Perry…suggest[ed] that the monetary policies of the Federal Reserve were potentially “treasonous” and could warrant “ugly” treatment should the Fed chairman, Ben S. Bernanke, ever pay a visit to Texas.

“Printing more money to play politics at this particular time in American history is almost treacherous — or treasonous in my opinion,” Mr. Perry said Monday…criticizing the possibility of the central bank’s taking further steps between now and the election to keep interest rates low.

He added, “I don’t know what y’all would do to him in Iowa, but we would treat him pretty ugly down in Texas.”

I swear there are more dingbats running for president on the Republican side than there are residents in some towns in Texas.  Of one thing you can be sure, given his record in the race so far–upon election, his first two presidential orders will direct Jews to convert and the Justice Department to arrest Ben Bernanke for treason.  Should they convict the latter and should any Jews fail to accept Perry’s gracious offer, he could have himself a ‘twofer’ by hanging them en masse in Lafayette Park.  It’d make quite a spectacle and start his presidency off with quite a bang so to speak.  Next, he’d make Michael Ledeen his defense secretary and find a few puny countries to knock the shit out of, to show the world who’s boss.  That’s surely get things off to a flying start, don’t you think?

As for an economic policy, who needs one when you can just take a few economists and fed governors out and shoot ‘em at sunrise?  Between the lunacy of Michelle Bachman, Rick Perry, Herman Cain and the rest of that lot, there’s gonna be lots of fun before this primary season is over.  Stay tuned.

Abusisi: Hamas’ Nuclear Bombmaker

Saturday, August 13th, 2011
Abusisi's Hamas WMD

Abusisi's Hamas atom bomb design and signed confession. Caption: 'Atom bomb (very dangerous, to kill Jews!). I confess that I designed this. March 8 2011'

Haaretz, Maariv and Yediot all agree that Dirar Abusisi is Hamas’ chief rocket designer and the mastermind behind every missile that lands inside Israel.  He’s also responsible for hiding Gilad Shalit and knows where he’s imprisoned.

But that’s not all.  And I’ve got the (till now) secret documents to prove it.  The drawing you see is so sensitive that the Israel court, which released Abusisi’s Shabak interrogation transcript, refused to allow its publication.  But I have my sources and zey hav zehr vays (as Werner von Braun might’ve once said).

Now I can report without any doubt that Abusisi is not just a rocket designer, but that from his extensive online nuclear research he has designed a Hamas nuclear bomb; or as Shimon Peres would say: “a flying Holocaust.”

This man is a veritable devil incarnate and Shabak caught him in the nick of time.  Had it not nabbed him asleep on that Ukrainian railroad train, there’s no telling how much damage he might’ve done, not just to Israel, but the entire western world.

You thought Richard Reid, the shoe bomber was bad.  Pshaw.  Child’s play compared to the boom-boom Abusisi had designed for his good friend in Hamas, Mohammed Deif.  And you know where he meant to detonate it, right?  No, not on the prime minister’s office.  That would’ve been too obvious for our genius engineer.  No, he was going to wait till Eric Cantor and Aipac brought one-quarter of the U.S. Congress to Israel for their annual haj and drop the big one killing a ton of birds with one ‘stone,’ so to speak.

I am also trying to confirm a rumor that he was the 19th hijacker on 9/11.  If my source is correct–move over Mohammed Atta, you don’t hold a candle to terror mastermind, Dirar Abusisi.

On a slightly more sober note, my Israeli friend, Ed Mad X has created a hilarious spoof of the Dirar Abusisi “confession” published in the major Israeli papers yesterday.  An Israeli court released the transcript of Abusisi’s Shabak interrogation in which he confessed practically to being Hamas’ Werner von Braun (as an Israeli aerospace researcher put it in the Fresh discussion forum).

What’s most remarkable is that he developed these proficiencies, if Shabak is to be believed, entirely through The Internets!!  And also with a PhD he earned online from the Internet School of Aerospace and Rocket Technology (http://www.dropthebigonenow.com).

Edo’s image puts the absolutely Bozoness of the Shabak transcript into perfect context.  Here’s the original drawing which the artist used for his spoof.

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